I’m a little late on this celebrity gossip:
Actress Sarah Michelle Gellar has changed her famous three-part moniker as a fifth wedding anniversary present to actor Freddie Prinze Jr. The couple was wed September 1, 2002.
A source close to the 30-year-old star tells Us Weekly,”She officially changed her name to Sarah Michelle Prinze” in honor of the occasion.
“On their anniversary, she showed [Freddie] her new driver’s license,” the source tells Us. “It was so sweet.”
I thought it was interesting that Gellar/Prinze made the decision to change her name so late after the fact. I wonder if it has something to do with the state of feminism in this here post-9/11 context - you know, the return to domesticity and traditional gender roles, yadda yadda…
I have noticed (and this could just be me) that more and more women I know are taking their (male) spouses’ names. My co-workers at the feminist organisation I work for, who are life-partnered and a few years older than me, tell me that ten years ago, no one was changing their name.
The whole question of name-changing is pretty much old hat - in the end, I support a women’s right to do whatever the heck she wants with her name. I should admit though, that I was a little demoralised to see the poll published just below the Gellar-to-Prinze news flash:
Do you think women should change their names for their husbands?
Yes 72% (4285 votes)
No 28% (1677 votes)
Digg
Facebook
del.icio.us
17 comments
Sometimes I forget that Sarah Michelle Gellar isn't actually Buffy. So when I read this I was like "Buffy would never do that! It's a lie!"
I have a huge hate on for the name changing thing and am way less accepting of it as a choice as you are. A girlfriend called me a few months after she was married and her last name was different on my caller id. I freaked. When I confronted her about it she reacted as if I was insane.
You have your father's name and you take your husband's name? It's called "property exchange." Why is the reason this is problematic so lost on 72% of women? And why are all these women of our generation, when our mothers were hyphenating and keeping their names?
My fave name changing moment was when someone informed me that if I "loved my partner enough" I would take his name. Excuse me, I'm vomitting.
Posted by Stacey May
November 21, 2007, 4:16 PM
Yah, I support name-changing - or more accurately I support choice - but I am puzzled by how it's suddenly trendy again. When I was a teenager I remember me and my friends talking about how we would never do that (and we were not remotely feminist) - it's weird that now that we're grown-ups, so many of us are doing it.
What irked me about that poll is that it the question is not "Do you support women changing their names", it's "SHOULD women change their names?" So 72% of people think that if a woman doesn't change her name, it's BAD. Come on now, can't we all support choices?
Posted by Thea
November 21, 2007, 4:19 PM
I actually plan on posting soon about name-changing and marriage and some of the other issues tangled in-between -- having just gotten married and recently bumped up against many of these decisions.
I'm pretty grossed out by how the poll question was phrased: "Do you think women should change their names for their husbands?"
That's a loaded question if I ever saw one. Not only does it, as Thea pointed out, use "should", it also refers to the decision as something women do (or don't do) "for their husbands". Which is ridiculous, framing it as his hardship.
Being in the middle of this decision myself, I'm not a big fan of being told what is the feminist thing to do. The crux of being feminist to me is being able to make whatever choice I damn well please. But women of our generation are in the unenviable position of being reprimanded from some side no matter what choice we make.
I think Stacey May makes a good point in mentioning that what you start off with is your father's name. So keeping your birth name because you don't want to be patrilineal is not an argument that makes much sense to me.
There are many, and often unanticipated, consequences to changing your name or not. And being married, those consequences have a lot more immediacy to me than they once did. Cheques that I can't cash, connections that have to be explained (over and over and over).
What if you have kids? That is often the tipping point for women who were planning to keep their maiden name -- deciding it's more important to them that the legal connection between them and their children is obvious and unequivocal.
What if hyphenating your names is just too cumbersome (for you, and for official forms)? What if you started off with a hyphenated name?
On the flip side, what are the legal consequences of changing your name? What happens to your credit history? Your job history and connections? What if you just "adopt" your partner's name? How is that different, and what does that mean you can and can't do?
Or what if, and this is one we don't often talk about, you just like the idea of taking your partner's name?
I can vouch that it's a tough, complicated decision. But I think it is vital that we fully support women no matter what choice they end up making.
Posted by Catherine
November 21, 2007, 5:49 PM
I think Stacey May makes a good point in mentioning that what you start off with is your father's name. So keeping your birth name because you don't want to be patrilineal is not an argument that makes much sense to me.
Word. We choose our husbands, but we can't choose our fathers, and I'm glad that I'll soon be rid of the latter's name. There's really no way to avoid the patrilinear aspect other than by making up a new name for yourself, and I happen to love my nearlyhusband's name. Why would holding fast to a father's name be feminist?
I'm annoyed that that poll didn't question a single blithe assumption about the cultural norm of name-changing, but I guess that's not their job - its ours.
Posted by Thene
November 21, 2007, 8:39 PM
I am really into people who change both people's last names, either by making up a brand new name (plucked from family history or from the imagination) or when both partners take a hyphenated or amalgamated version of both names.
Posted by Nicole
November 21, 2007, 8:58 PM
Catherine,
I hear you loud and clear. I was surprised to learn that now in Ontario it is totally legal to "adopt" your partner's name. The woman at the marriage license counter actually said they discourage the legal process and encourage folks to just "use" which ever name they'd like. That was pretty sweet news to me, in my non-commital, anxiety-filled to-change-or-not-to-change state.
Posted by Erin
November 21, 2007, 9:08 PM
It's an interesting question for people whose names are their "business." Writers, actors, artists - as soon as they change their names they are in a position where they constantly have to remind people who they were. Who is Sarah Michelle Prinze? Beats me. My name is my career in many ways, and I'll likely never change it. As for my hypothetical kids? I'm really unsure about that one...
I respect people who take on their husband's name when they make the decision in an informed way, not because it's "what people do." This comment was enlightening to me: "We choose our husbands, but we can't choose our fathers, and I'm glad that I'll soon be rid of the latter's name."
I want to know more about the idea of picking a brand new name. It sounds not only affirming for a partnership but a whole lot of fun.
Posted by Stacey May
November 21, 2007, 9:45 PM
I have a friend who got married and was all set to take her husband's name - partly because she was estranged from her dad. Interestingly though, when she started the process, she got completely freaked out and changed her mind. She said to me later, yah, it's my dad's name, but it's mine too.
I really liked that she said that - sure keeping our names continues our dad's lineage, but isn't it also our lineage? Don't we get to reappropriate and make our names our own?
For me, I don't think I'd change my name. A big part of that has to do with my ethnicity - I'm mixed and I have a Chinese last name. I'm intensely attached to that part of my heritage and also it's the part of my heritage that I have to fight the most for, since we live in a pretty white-centric society. So I'm proud to have my dad's name.
I'm not too into coming up with a new name (though it does sound like fun...), just because then you AND your partner and offspring won't have that connection to your birth families. That might not be a problem though, depending on your relationship with your birth family. The thing with hyphenation is that it seems like a short-term solution if you plan to have kids - what happens when two kids with hyphenated names get married?
Catherine - one question that I hope you delve into if you do write your name-changing post is the question of why women would want to change or not change their names. My interest in this is totally personal and apolitical - you mention that some women change their names so that their relationship between them and their kids is clear - but why not get your kids to take your name? That's my plan at least. Similarly, if you want to take your partner's name just because it's nice, and because it's a way of emphasising that you are each other's family now, why not have the man take the woman's name?
Like I said, my interest is really apolitical - I'm genuinely curious as to why a woman would change her name. Though it maybe it's a bit unexplainable, in the sense that it's a choice that's really tied to an individual's life history and personal experience. Like how I want to get married - I can come up with all sorts of logical reasons for why, but when it comes down to it, it's a choice that's driven by a very emotional, illogical and personal understanding of what love and family is.
Posted by Thea
November 21, 2007, 9:59 PM
It could have been something she wanted to do when they got married but for the state of her career, deflected until Buffy was over.
Posted by Danielle
November 22, 2007, 12:54 AM
I mostly only lurk on here, but feel compelled to post on this one.
I did change my name when I got married, and trust me it was not without much thought, discussion and consideration of the symobolism and ramifications associated with it. When it came down to it for this (and everything associated with my marriage) I've decided that it's my life, my name, my (well, our) marriage and I define for myself what it means to me. If people think it means something that it doesn't, well, they're just wrong. It bothers me when people say/imply that I've allowed myself to be exchanged like property. I didn't, I made a conscious thought-out decision.
To me changing my name is simply a convenient tradition that makes it easier to identify members of the same family. It is not associated at all with property exchange, or me sacrificing my identity (which I've never defined based on my name--some people feel much more attached to their name in terms of identity, cultural heritage etc). I feel this way about marriage itself and everything associated with it. Traditionally, marriage itself is about a property exchange and ownership, but MY marriage is not about that. It's ME (and my husband) who decides what our marriage is about. I also had my father "give me away" at our wedding. Traditionally this is essentially a property exchange. To me (and my father, and my husband) this was just a gesture of love and support from my dad to us.
I think the role that men are in with the name-change thing bears discussion too. When discussing the whole name change thing with my husband, I asked him "Why don't you change your name? Is it because the guys at work would make fun of you?" , and his answer was "yes". Sure it would be great if he would take a feminist stand on this (he does identify as a feminist) but frankly, I can see his point--it's a much more difficult process (both socially and logistically) for a man to change his name--and I can't really blame him for not wanting to go through it.
Posted by H
November 22, 2007, 9:05 AM
"I'm not too into coming up with a new name (though it does sound like fun...), just because then you AND your partner and offspring won't have that connection to your birth families."
Thea this isn't always the case. My name, Dinner, is not linked to my ancestry because it was butchered by immigration officials at the turn of the 1900's.
"I want to know more about the idea of picking a brand new name. It sounds not only affirming for a partnership but a whole lot of fun."
Stacey May, as I mentioned my family name is Dinner. Humorous on its own. My partners family name is Hering. Humorous on its own. Hyphenating that (I'll let you figure it out) and giving it to a kid is a bullies dream come true. So we are thinking of merging our names into Dering (like daring but different). Just thought you might like an example of adopting new names.
Posted by Tuval
November 22, 2007, 9:41 AM
Wow, Tuval, that is an excellent (and humorous) example of why you have to really consider your options when it comes to names. I think Dering is a lovely last name!
Posted by Nicole
November 22, 2007, 10:09 AM
The argument that a woman should change her name so her relationship with her children is clear sound pretty bogus to me. My mom kept her name and I don't recall ever feeling confused about who she was or how she was related to me - in fact, even at a very young age I remember feeling proud that she had a different name than my dad, as it seemed to reflect her being her own entity (even if, like Tuval's name, her last name was the result of immigration officers not being able to transcribe Yiddish properly - for years I thought "Mitchell" was a traditional Jewish name).
Posted by Anna
November 22, 2007, 3:07 PM
I should clarify -- the mothers who told me they wanted the same name as their children all described it in terms of official checks, specifically in terms of travel. E.g. going through customs, dealing with immigration. Whether it was necessary or not, they didn't want to take any risks in dealing with (perceived) ambiguity while abroad, or crossing a border. Whether it was necessary or not for official reasons, it made them feel more secure.
Posted by Catherine
November 22, 2007, 4:10 PM
That makes sense on an individual basis, but - and this is, I think, at the heart of my mixed feelings on marriage in general - shouldn't the impetus be on getting those social institutions to recognize the rights of the mothers and children whether or not they have the same name, rather than having individual women make that choice? I agree that choice is important, including the choice to *change* your name, but if it's hegemonic enough that people who choose NOT to do it end up having problems at the bank and at the border, then it's not really a choice, is it?
Posted by Anna
November 22, 2007, 5:16 PM
Oh yeah, and Tuval, I really hope that one day your (theoretical) Dering offspring finds a life-partner to hyphenate with named Do (Dooh? D'Euh? Dieu?).
Posted by Anna
November 22, 2007, 5:21 PM
I agree Anna. It's no good if you feel trapped in a certain "choice" because you think there is no infrastructure to support you otherwise. I wouldn't say that women who change their name out of concern over having their rights recognized have done something wrong. I think it does mean that our social infrastructure around changing your name needs a closer look -- at whether it truly does support either choice, and if it does, why isn't that the perception?
Posted by Catherine
November 23, 2007, 8:07 AM
Leave a comment
This blog post is older than 90 days old. All comments submitted regarding this post will be automatically held for review by the editors before posting. Your comment will not appear on the site until it has been approved.
Our comment policy
Shameless prides itself on the diversity of opinions expressed by our writers, and we encourage and appreciate different points of view. Our intention at Shameless is to foster community and to maintain a safe and positive blogging environment; we do not consider it our duty to give a voice to anybody with an opinion.
Discussion on this site is moderated. We will delete comments that:
(We get to decide what's discriminatory, hateful, attacking, or inflammatory).
In some cases, we will cap off comments on a discussion when we feel they are spiralling out of control and fostering an unwelcoming space for bloggers and readers. Comments will be closed by the Web Editor, unless the post is by the Web Editor, in which case the Editor in Chief will close them.
If your comments repeatedly make the same point, they may be deleted. This also applies to comments made by multiple members of the same organization.
Your comments should be about the topic of the post, not its writer—although we certainly encourage praise for our writers, if you want to say something nice.