I mostly stay out of the cosmetics world. I’m much happier that way, it keeps mah rage down. But I recently decided to go and pick up a really really red lipstick. Because I wanted to.
So I went to Sephora to see what was on offer. And now I am on their mailing list. Which is good, because now I don’t ever have to source out why the beauty industry is a big stinky behemoth of destruction, the info comes to me. In a meticulously laid out e-newsletter. Fish in a barrel.
And this one’s so easy, I’m not even going to break it down. I’m just going to put it out there and let it shame itself. How do you start the year off right with Sephora? Observe, in particular, number 3:
Top 7 Beauty Resolutions
1. I will treat my hair right
2. I will use SPF every day
3. I will lose weight
4. I will try a new fragrance
5. I will wash my face every night
6. I will organize my mess
7. I will be more adventurous
Not complete of course, without the visual of an actual product they’re pushing to help you accomplish this:
And they’re even serious. It is a weight loss lip gloss. (For all over, not just to make your lips look skinny like I confusingly thought when I first saw the picture). This is the product description from the Sephora.com website. I think we missed the exit for tongue-in-cheek irony a few enthusiastic descriptions ago:
What it does:
Quench your thirst for a beauty buzz with FUZE Slenderize Guilt Free Gloss. Infused with the healthy, delicious fruit flavors and appetite curbing energy boasting ingredients found in FUZE Slenderize beverages. One Delicious dab on the lips will give you a taste of what all the Hollywood starlets are losing it over! Always on the lips, never on the hips!
EW. Ewity ew ew ew.
Digg
Facebook
del.icio.us
11 comments
The truly sad thing is that there are people who will actually buy products like this, actually believing that they will actually lose weight using them.
Posted by John
January 17, 2008, 9:25 PM
Yep, & what kinda messed up chemicallia is pumped into the stuff I shudder to think. After all they must have some weird thing in there to legitimise their claims about weight loss.
Posted by Myra
January 17, 2008, 10:54 PM
I'm just curious as to how much lip gloss you have to eat in order for the weight loss benefits to kick in. Like, should I squeeze one tube into my mouth a day? Two? Five?
Also, it says it's "guilt free lip gloss." Are there lip glosses that induce guilt? What about frustration, horror or existential angst?
Posted by Wesley
January 17, 2008, 11:44 PM
It's right up there with Dove's take on my embarrassing underarms. It's all about the negative space: Wait a minute, I didn't know Dove made a deodorant that will make me proud of my underarms... WTF does the one I have now do?! This lip gloss is guilt-free? Well thank goodness someone solved that, my lip gloss must have been clouding my conscience all these years...
Posted by Catherine
January 17, 2008, 11:50 PM
At first I thought "Maybe Sephora was being funny, suggesting lip gloss as a way to lose weight..." But that hope was dashed.
As a teenager I had a bit of a make-up problem, but a few years ago I managed to kick it, along with my clothes horse problem and my straightening iron problem. But then over the summer I was seduced (seduced!!) into picking up a copy of Jane Magazine by Stacey May, and in the fall I found myself in Sephora (you know, probably the worst place in the world for a recovering make-up addict) thanks to Jane's cosmetic listings, looking very seriously into skin hilighters and lowlighters...It's a dangerous world out there for ladies.
Posted by Thea
January 18, 2008, 9:01 AM
Does the weight-loss lip gloss contain enough scary potion that your lips stay lush and plump while the rest of you fades away? Maybe it can even transfer the fat from my "problem areas" to my kisser. Now THAT's science!
Posted by Erin
January 18, 2008, 12:11 PM
Erin, your comment made me make a connection between this lip gloss, and Lady Cassandra in the new Doctor Who series...
Posted by Catherine
January 18, 2008, 12:47 PM
Gah! *shuddering in fetal position on floor*
Posted by Erin
January 18, 2008, 3:19 PM
Okay, here's what a zombie I am - I got that email too and thought "Oh yeah I guess if you're tasting fruit then you don't get hungry" And that's it - nothing! Not even a "Yeah, right!" thanks for bring me back to life.... grr aarrg
Posted by tanya
January 19, 2008, 9:47 AM
When I think about guilt-free lipgloss I think of the Cargo plantlove lipsticks, not WEIGHT LOSS lipsticks!
http://www.sephora.com/browse/product...
Posted by Danielle
January 21, 2008, 1:18 AM
And I was just about ready to resort to something radical, like eating more vegetables, less fast food, and more exercise. What a brilliantly appetizing idea.
Posted by Natalie
January 26, 2008, 9:54 PM
Leave a comment
This blog post is older than 90 days old. All comments submitted regarding this post will be automatically held for review by the editors before posting. Your comment will not appear on the site until it has been approved.
Our comment policy
Shameless prides itself on the diversity of opinions expressed by our writers, and we encourage and appreciate different points of view. Our intention at Shameless is to foster community and to maintain a safe and positive blogging environment; we do not consider it our duty to give a voice to anybody with an opinion.
Discussion on this site is moderated. We will delete comments that:
(We get to decide what's discriminatory, hateful, attacking, or inflammatory).
In some cases, we will cap off comments on a discussion when we feel they are spiralling out of control and fostering an unwelcoming space for bloggers and readers. Comments will be closed by the Web Editor, unless the post is by the Web Editor, in which case the Editor in Chief will close them.
If your comments repeatedly make the same point, they may be deleted. This also applies to comments made by multiple members of the same organization.
Your comments should be about the topic of the post, not its writer—although we certainly encourage praise for our writers, if you want to say something nice.