So I was seething after Zoe’s post alerted me to a horrific, anti-woman piece written by a woman, but some other newspaper activity has calmed me a little.
An article in the Toronto Star reports that a New York Times Magazine piece described Ellen Page as “a tomboy – her on-screen persona is sharp, clear-eyed, determined and self-consciously original.”
The following week, a professor at Sarah Lawrence College sent in this response:
“It is unfortunate that we have no other word available to describe this strong, independent young woman than to refer to her as a tomboy. This continues to convey to girls that growing up clear-eyed and courageous is being like a boy.”
Fancy that!
I think we all are composed of a wild mosaic. We have pieces that are understood to be masculine, feminine and every shade of mauve in between. Some of these labels will come from the outside and others from within. That’s confusing enough, but when we put a value judgement on the trait, it gets really dangerous.
I know women who will apologize for “being a girl” when they get emotional or sensitive. (And don’t even get me started on what that op-ed author claims.) When I’m proud of an accomplishment I might say “I’m the man!” or “That took balls!” Yes, ovaries are mighty powerful balls, but that won’t be the interpretation of those around me.
The Star article notes that it’s a point of pride for femme-y celebrities like Charlize Theron and Keira Knightley to claim they are really “tomboys” at heart. There seems to be a certain amount of street cred that comes with likening oneself to a guy. It has a grounding force to it.
I’m totally guilty of this. Before I knew my Judith Butler and my Judith Thompson, I liked to brag that I had “more of a guy’s sense of humour.” This was my (misguided) badge of honour. I could (and can!) out-quote the biggest male Simpsons’ fan. I liked to play 007 back when N64 was all the rage. I’m not afraid of bugs. These are genuine qualities I possess, but I still wanted to call them masculine. On top of that, it seemed “cooler” if I had that boy-ish side to me.
Can anyone relate?
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12 comments
As a long time "tomboy" and geek myself, I identify with what you're saying here. Maybe we should coin a new word for girls that prefer say, climbing trees to proper table manners -- seeing as that applies to most of the girls I know!
Posted by Katie
March 3, 2008, 2:43 PM
I remember the hours of brainstorming I had with a friend when I was 11, trying to define ourselves as "not girly-girls, but not tomboys" - because we somehow knew, without any feminist theory whatsoever, that our interests were perfectly in keeping with "girl" behaviour - because we were being true to ourselves, and we were girls, and therefore our behaviour and interests, while also individual, were inherently "girlish."
That's why I don't see a need, Katie, to coin a new word for what I am - because when you accept that it is perfectly natural for girls to play sports, climb trees, make forts, and decorate themselves with "warpaint" from "spitrocks," you change the meaning of "girl" - there's no need to qualify our behaviour as less or more "girl" than any other behaviour. We also need to remember that one type of behaviour doesn't necessarily exclude other behaviours. I had pretty good table manners when I was little, even if I was eating my sandwich with a face covered in spit and dust (um, you had to live on our street).
Posted by Livy
March 3, 2008, 3:47 PM
The problematic roots of "tomboy" never crossed my mind - thanks Erin!
I don't relate as much to the experience of equating something I'd done which was tough with manliness - probably because I went to all-girls schools for most of my education, and probably also because the bravest, toughest people I know are always women.
Which is not to say that men can't be brave and tough! I do think though that women are socialised to be tough in certain ways: eg not complain when they're sick/in pain, learn to do things without asking for help - all so as to not cause bother to others. Because men are often taught to have much more of a sense of self-entitlement, that kind of toughness and quiet self-sufficiency isn't expected of men in the same way.
And then of course women are also much more encouraged to talk freely and openly about difficult feelings, while men are encouraged to be afraid of talking about them. So in some ways, when it comes to being taught how to be a tough guy, women have the advantage.
Posted by Thea
March 3, 2008, 4:03 PM
As a proud tomboy, I have to say thank you for deconstructing the idea as well. Shall we call ourselves Janegirls then? How about Joangirls after Joan Jett? Althou, we can fall back on grrl, which I use a lot...even if I am 33.
Posted by Veronica
March 3, 2008, 11:13 PM
In an interesting, and slightly depressing, twist a teacher told me last week that she has heard boys called other boys tomgirls if they don't meet the rigid masculine standards being set in elementary school.Anyone heard the term tomgirl before?
Posted by tuval
March 6, 2008, 11:06 AM
Oddly enough, I was talking to somebody at work the other day and mentioning how I was picked on as a kid because other kids couldn't identify me. I was a "tomboy" and I was one of the girls who developed breasts quite young. A co-worker turned to me and questioningly asked "You're a tomboy?" to which I quickly replied, a bit acidly "Now that I'm an adult, I can articulate myself without resorting to stereotypes." It made another (female) co-worker giggle and made him speechless. I hadn't thought about it in yeaaars, but I really hated that word. I was a GIRL, not a boy, tomboy was a hated phrase of my youth.
Posted by Danielle
March 7, 2008, 5:32 PM
Contrary to Danielle, I hated the word girl much more. I used to want to be called a tomboy rather than to be called a girl. I would be happy if I was told that I'm a guy, not a girl. Now I don't know what to think about those words anymore.
Posted by Cin
March 7, 2008, 6:50 PM
CIN: I know what you mean about the confusion. It's tricky when we come across the value judgements of each "label."
And then to add another level, what happens when I don't want to be called a girl, not because I think being a girl is bad, but because I "feel" more like a boy?
Posted by Erin
March 7, 2008, 7:25 PM
"Tomboys" just reflects girls or women with balanced interests. I played with dolls, chased snakes and spiders, played with matchbox cars, painted, played football in the street, walked to the creek alone to explore, had tea parties, and generally learned as much as I could about the world around me. I read constantly, defied authority, asked questions, and painted the shells of snails and let them go. I was in love with the boy across the street in first grade. By the time the 60's ended, I was ready to quit wearing a bra, and my daily uniform was leotard and jeans, and hiking boots. Now that I am looking 60 right in the eye, and a million fashions in between, I am back to basics, jeans, and now a yoga top instead of a leotard.
Posted by vicki
March 23, 2008, 10:56 AM
Tomgirl is really a hard one. I always heard the "Tom" came from tom cat, the male cat best known for brawling and mating multiple females. So, in a since it both demeans women because of the sexualized animal comparison and upholds standards about maleness. Besides, calling someone a "tomgirl" automatically places her in some lesser, cutesy, sexualized category different from boys or men (notice this is just another instance where grown women are being dubed "girls" in one form or another.
Posted by Myra
March 24, 2008, 5:23 PM
I have actually never thought of it that way.
Thanks for making that apparent!
Posted by Brianne
March 24, 2008, 8:29 PM
I have to say I liked the phrase Tomboy, as inadequate as it was, because I wanted something to identify a girl's desire to play football and do extreme sports. I think tomboyism was much about the absence of interest in girlie things. I hated dolls and stuff like that.
Vicki sounds cool, btw.
Posted by Kit
April 12, 2008, 7:46 AM
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