I wanted to share this with the Shameless world since I’m a little baffled by the occurence.
Recently I wrote a piece for a place that shall remain nameless. In it I recounted my recent trip to the United States and all the great Native youth engagement work, which happened to include the cultural and spiritual journey my partner and I have decided to embark on.
The comment I received back went something like this “You need to refocus your writing since you seem to dwell too much on your boyfriend and that’s nobody’s business”.
Not once did I even say anything REMOTELY romantic. Not once did I refer to my own feelings about him. I didn’t even say his name. I like to keep it real so if he happened to be there while community work was going on and positively contribute to it, I’m going to say it. Just like I referenced what everybody else did.
This is the first time I’ve ever received feedback of this nature, and anyone who knows me knows that I’m a pretty staunch independant feminist, who is always about business. I’ve actually been chastised for being “too political” when I talk (as a recent interviewer told me) and never share anything personal. So lately I’ve been making a concerted effort to share a little more.
What bothers me the most though is that it seems in pop culture, we only hear about romantic or intimate relationships when they are either grossly lovey-dovey, or when they are bad. We rarely hear about solid partnerships where people are okay just living life together, or actively being part of stuff that is actually important to the other person. In my case, my partner happens to be part of my culture and also part of the shift of youth in our community that are making their way back to it. I’m part of that too! And it’s a beautiful and necessary thing.
I thought I could be political, a feminist, and have a healthy relationship all at the same time. And you know what’s funny? We continuously hear from youth across the board of sexual health education that the one thing they never learn about is healthy relationships, and it’s something they’d really like to talk about.
I wonder why that is?
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five comments
I don't know, I feel like that would be a really big blow to me, especially if I was a writer. I mean, is any of what you're doing anybody's business? It's up to the reader to read. That's upsetting.
Posted by Catherine
July 15, 2008, 2:38 PM
Did you receive the comment from the publication or a reader?
Posted by Stacey May
July 15, 2008, 3:05 PM
" We continuously hear from youth across the board of sexual health education that the one thing they never learn about is healthy relationships, and it’s something they’d really like to talk about.
I wonder why that is?"
Because writers in healthy relationships are continuously censored?
I understand that you might find the comment from the editor (or reader? You failed to mention that...) to be odd, hurtful or idiotic. I just fail to see the direct correlation between your single experience and a general need in sexual education. If you have further proofs that it's writers who are being turned away from that type of content, I'd like to hear it.
Posted by Eli
July 15, 2008, 4:23 PM
Thanks for all your comments everyone!
The comment came from my editor, which I didn't mention to leave more anonymity, but oh well. It's a space where I'm permitted to write whatever I want, or so I thought.
I should be clear that I'm not just speaking as a writer (I don't even think of myself as one yet, maybe I should!) I was speaking more in pop culture, media, modern society and also as someone who is on the front-line doing community work in sexual health every day.
I often feel like we are forced to sever parts of ourselves to try and fit into a box of what someone wants us to appear as. For instance in this case, I might be known as this staunch feminist, but oh no, how dare I start talking about having a healthy relationship at the same time! That changes my image?!
I linked it to sexual health education because it has been my experience that youth constantly identify a need to learn about healthy relationships, and it's no wonder since they are not adequately represented in today's world, or beyond the conventional heterosexist framework of man bringing money in, woman accomodating.
We need to be breaking down these constructs so we CAN be all these things and maybe even so that our next generations can see some healthy people dynamics represented when they look out there in the world of online, print, and TV mediums.
Posted by Jessica
July 15, 2008, 5:03 PM
I'm glad you made this comment.
First, you have the right to write whatever you please. If the reader does not want to hear about your opinion with your partner, she/he has the right to go read something else.
Second, let's be honest: the person who we are in a relationship with is a significant part of our life. We can't/shouldn't ignore that fact.
Last, I think young people need REAL examples, REAL talk, REAL images, and REAL situations of what REALLY occurs in healthy relationship. As you said, the entertainment world often makes relationships out to be something unreal.
Keep doing what you feel is right.
Posted by Nadine
August 13, 2008, 4:01 PM
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