Dear manufacturers of Stayfree menstrual pads,

This is my first time in many years purchasing your product. I usually make use of The Keeper reusable cup combined with washable pads for all my menstrual needs, but a recent travelling period (get it? LOL) necessitated the acquisition of a disposable product.

First of all, I’d like to say thanks for including an individually-wrapped moist towelette with each pad. Although I am unlikely to let a chemical-soaked tissue within one hundred feet of my hoo-hoo, I found it useful for several other things, such as: removing a bicycle grease stain from my favourite pants, getting rid of unsightly shower buildup, and polishing my sterling silver.

Second, although the pads themselves were not advertised as “scented”, I couldn’t help but notice that you chose to give them, gratis, a rather noticeable aroma. I presume this is done in order to make my crotchal area more appealing, either to myself or a potential lover. However, I found the scent of the pads to be more reminiscent of a bowl of decaying potpourri or some kind of medication for sick babies than of a healthy vagina. If you insist on “improving” the natural odour of my area, here are a few suggestions for scents that I think will be much more appealing to women like me:

- Teriyaki Chicken
- Newly-Mown Hay
- Clive Owen
- Pabst Blue Ribbon
- Frappuccino
- Benson & Hedges Menthol 100s
- Fish Taco

I hope you will give these suggestions their due diligence - you may have a whole new target market at your disposal! No pun intended!

Shamelessly yours, Anna