You know what I hate?
I hate when marketers take things I love with all my being, and make them look ridiculous, vapid, and stereotypical.
Take chocolate and sex.
There are other sweet treats, but none are such a miraculous mixture of sweet, bitter, sharp and spicy as a decent chocolate bar (especially the chili/peppercorn variety). And as for consensual physical pleasures, I am including all sorts of activities here: massage, sexy dancing, making out in the park, holding hands for the first time - the whole spectrum. Like chocolate, sex is wonderful in its variety.
“It is a delicate truffle,sitting on a subtle crisp layer enrobed in shimmering chocolate that looks as glamourous as the women it speaks to. It tastes indulgent but it keeps its figure, at under 85 calories per finger. Sneak out to a movie. Go curly. Lick the wrapper. Shake things up! Nobody’s looking.”
Okay, bizarre references to clitorises aside (“a delicate truffle?” Is anyone else getting this - anyone??), the whole campaign is a misfire from beginning to end. “Nobody’s looking?” Since when should I be ashamed that I love chocolate and sex? Speaking of shame, since when did I have to “sneak” out to see a movie? If I want to see a movie and eat a king-size Snickers while running my fingers up and down my date’s inner thigh, I am going to do that!
When are the marketers going to get the memo? Pink frivolity may work for selling razor blades, but chocolate and sex are serious business. When you add sparkles and make it low-cal, it’s like you’re trying to convince me I want an orgasm lite.
“Just like a real orgasm, except no good.”