Growing up, my mom was always supportive of my career aspirations. When I showed an interest in writing, she bought me notebooks and special pens to encourage me. When I told her I wanted to act, she took me to the National Theatre School a province away to see if it interested me. When I felt visual art was part of my craft, she took me to galleries to show me what was possible. She even bought me my first guitar to explore my musical inclinations.
And through it all, when my activist nature showed through, she explained to me that art can be one of the strongest tools an activist can use to change the world.
This is why I am now a proud “Professional Bohemian” – a writer / actor / musician / artist with activism streaming through everything I do.
She never once tried to convince me to follow her footsteps and become a lawyer/mediator. She knew it wasn’t right for me and knew I had to find my own path to truly be happy and fulfilled.
This seems obvious and normal to me. But not to everyone else.
Yesterday, while checking out Twitter, I noticed a couple of tweets that had gone back and forth between two women I follow. They were discussing the attitudes their parents and cultures had towards certain professions (good and bad) and how that had influenced what they now do.
Thinking back, I distinctly remember two people I went to high school with in similar circumstances. One girl’s parents were threatening to not pay for her university education if she didn’t go into the program they wanted.
The other girl was in my drama class and wanted to be an actor like myself. When her parents found out that my mom was a lawyer (their preferred profession for their daughter), they grilled me on why I would rather be an actor. It was uncomfortable to say the least…although I was completely honest.
So even in this day when women in our society are supposedly free to choose their own paths, how many of us really do?
Did you? Will you?
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three comments
My parents are luckily quite supportive of whatever I choose, but I'm pressured by other people and forces. I feel annoyed by by limiting views that what is profitable isn't the university book-learning path, unless you're in business or the art path and by ideas that by not knowing where I fit, I'll end up "wasting my time". Overriding all of this is a feeling that university, the place I want to go because I am intellectual and creative is some kind of trap that is out of touch with the working world and isn't useful or is even a disadvantage, outside of academia. I'm worried about moving through the working world and am not sure what part my studies play in that. I'm also deeply hurt by ideas that because I get high grades instead of working a part-time job I'm somehow living in a dream-world that won't lead anywhere. I'm undecided but keep thinking about arts, humanities and culture as majors and like to think about journalism and theatre work when I think about the working world, but so far none of this fits together very well. My mantra has turned into this idea that as long as I study what I want and do well, I'll get scholarships and eventually have career options at some point in time. But that's a lot of pressure to keep my grades up. More than I need. It's hard to believe people who think I'll be okay, when so many other students my age, adults and newspapers seem to agree that I should be more cynical about my career path and be really strategic about finding something profitable, even if I'm not big on it, to protect myself. I feel a real vibe that other people are doing that. Does anyone else feel as intimidated as I do about choosing a life path? Anyone gone through this same set of feelings? How did you handle it?
Posted by Myra
November 19, 2009, 9:55 PM
Thought provoking post and stimulating follow up reply post. Myra you covered so many aspects I don't even know where to begin responding ... firstly, i think there are a couple of sides to what you're feeling and experiencing from others - issues around status and climbing the social hierarchy, personal financial well-being, stigmatization of "lofty academia" and an [arguably incorrect] belief that we should all be "going somewhere" and should all know where that somewhere is.
"Does anyone else feel as intimidated as I do about choosing a life path? " YES when i choose to focus on the future or when i am forced/encouraged to think about the/my future by others ... NO when i am firmly situated in the present moment
"Anyone gone through this same set of feelings? "
i also adopted mentality similar to your mantra. during my 6 years of uni [BA and MA] i tried to focus on the process of things and not the end results, having faith that my hard work and following my intuition would lead me where i wanted and needed to go. so far it's worked out. i'm now heading into my 3rd year of teaching social studies at a middle school in south korea [something i really enjoy but not what, a few years ago, i imagined in my wildest dreams i'd be doing now!]
"It's hard to believe people who think I'll be okay" AGREED sometimes i slip out of my "life is good" mode into fear mode where i too worry "ack! what if my positive mind frame right now bites me in the butt later on ... what if i'm totally living in a bubble that's going to pop?!!"
i definitely get the vibe that a lot of people are doing that [being really strategic about finding something profitable, even if I'm not big on it, to protect myself]. it especially saddens me when i see people go to university who just care about the marks and don't seem to learn anything ... they're just at uni to get the credential in order to get a job that they may or may not like besides the associated pay cheque.
How did you handle it?
it's not something i DID handle it's something i'm always grappling with. it's something that comes up time and time again, and i think it always will.
these days i'm trying to do a few things to stay happy with how i'm living my life and resist the pressures of outside forces yet not live in a bubble.
1. try to be mentally and emotionally situated in the present moment as much as possible
2.. try to be confident knowing that i'm doing my best at that point in time
3. making the best decisions i can in the present moment based both upon my logic AND emotions
4. follow my passions and work hard at what i enjoy doing
5. know that i am being financially responsible by both dealing with current bills and setting money aside for the future [i'm not in a job that is building a pension and while i'm only 27 it's always good to save a little for retirement or an unknown time of need in the future]
sorry this ended up being so long!!!
Posted by Ellen
November 20, 2009, 6:22 AM
Myra- I dropped out law school, spent a year as an survey archaeologist, and now have a seasonal job at a call center. I don't know how I'll pay the bills after Christmas.
I'm broke as a joke and my arms are covered in scars from poison ivy and blackberry bushes.
Do I question my decisions? Hell yeah. I started college in Engineering before I switched to Anthropology. Engineering and Law. I had two chances at high paying sucky jobs. Now I'm stuck with low paying sucky jobs, while I try to get my writing career off the ground.
Don't be afraid to sacrifice for what you believe in, what you dream of. But do know what it is that you're sacrificing. (I'm from the states. I'm sacrificing any chance at decent health care, among other things.) Don't think you'll be the exception, that your academic career will be easy, that your art will be famous immediately, that all those bad things won't happen to you. They will.
And they'll totally be worth it.
After all, how many people walk through the world carrying scars from blackberries?
Posted by Carrie
November 22, 2009, 3:51 PM
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